Couch Potato Lyrics & Chords By "weird Al" Yankovic

Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it
Or just let it slip?
Yo
Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma 'n' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin'
And I'm HD-ready
So I flip - garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
They're dyin', wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel!
Shows based on reality
Oh! The humanity
Oh! Ozzy's family
Sho' loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No, they live happily
Yo, plus Da Ali G Show
And Celebrity Mole
Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
She's scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities!"
Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, cajoled me
"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna..."

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King
To 24 to Law And Order
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes' ancient reporters
Next up on E! True Hollywood Story
The rise and decline of 12 actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been namin':
CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n'
So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
And King Of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
I'll move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter
Then I bet I'll watch The Bachelorette followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna..."

Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space
I've seen each Amazing Race and Without A Trace
But I only watched Will & Grace one time, one day
Wish I hadn't, 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make 'em watch all of that junk till their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eating fools on Survivor
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna - hey there's Luke Perry on a
Special All Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey, wanna
Turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30-second spot
Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was plannin' on recording The Sopranos - I forgot
I love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
One brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna..."

You can watch anything you want to, man