Everyone's A Little Bit Racist Lyrics & Chords By John Tartaglia
Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Kate Monster: Sure!
Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster: Uh-huh.
Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Kate Monster: Right.
Princeton: You're both Monsters.
Kate Monster: Yeah.
Princeton: Are you two related?
Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?
Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.
Princeton: Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster: What do you mean?
Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster: What about it?
Princeton: Well, could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you—
Princeton: Ha ha! You see?!
You're a little bit racist
Kate Monster: Well, you're a little bit too
Princeton: I guess we're both a little bit racist
Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton: But I guess it's true
Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think...
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really colorblind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face:
Everyone makes judgments based on race
Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from—
Kate Monster: No!
Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster: Right!
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist today
So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks
Everyone enjoys them—so relax!
Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster: Okay!
Princeton: Alright, there's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster: And a black guy!
Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Kate?
Kate Monster: Uh...
Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke!
Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman: I don't.
Princeton: Well, of course you don't—you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist
Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too
Princeton: We're all a little bit racist
Gary Coleman: I think that I would have to agree with you
Princeton/Kate Monster: We're glad you do
Gary Coleman: It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist
All right!
Kate Monster: All right!
Princeton: All right!
Gary Coleman: All right!
Bigotry has never been exclusively white
All: If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us get along
Princeton: Oh, Christ, do I feel good.
Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton: Who?
Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black—
Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman: Racism!
Brian: Cool.
Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton: What's that mean?
Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian: I'm not!
Princeton: Oh no?
Brian: Nope!
How many Oriental wives have you got?
Christmas Eve: What? Brian!
Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve: I know you are no intending to be
But calling me Oriental—offensive to me!
Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve: And I love you.
Brian: But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve: Yes, I know.
The Jews have all the money
And the whites have all the power
And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!
Princeton: Me too!
Kate Monster: Me too!
Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!
All: Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true
But everyone is just about as racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
And everyone stopped being so PC
Maybe we could live in—harmony!
Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!
