The Chainsaw Juggler Lyrics & Chords By The Four Postmen

Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine.
And how did you learn to kiss like that?
Said the man to his German shepherd

It's not polite to talk when your mouth
Is full of big bumblebees
But it's quite okay to love your mom
As long as you don't get her pregnant

Everybody!

La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee
La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee!
La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee
There's something wrong with this song!

Cross my heart, yes.
Stick a finger in my eye, no.
But wife, I'm telling the truth
I've slept with your sister, your mom and your dad,
And the second-best sex was you

Oh, Rub-A-Dub-Dub, three men in a tub
Need I say more?
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
So he divorced her!

Everybody!

I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be
Yes I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be

Oh God that sounds bad
Who's off?
Drums?
Acoustic guitar? (Not me, man)
That was bass, wasn't it?
Aw crap.
Are we ready?
Here we go!

Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!

Oh well, when in Rome...

Non compos mentis persona non grata
In vino veritas ad hoc
E Pluribus Unum, if to err is human
Then boy, am I glad we're in charge!

Oh, a Buddhist, a Muslim, a nun and a Jew
Were stuck in a hot-air balloon
It suddenly popped, and though they prayed as it dropped
It proves that God hates us all

Everybody!

La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee
La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee!
La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee
There's something wrong with this song!

And as the wise man stood on top of the hill, naked and disgusting and dirty and naked
He shouted down to the angry villagers far below

He said, "You may have won the battle, but
I'm....I'm...out of ammunition!"

He said, "Life isn't a bowl of cherries,
its...it's.......okay, maybe it is."

He said, "It's not the size that counts, it's
the woman that counts the size!"

He said, "You can't sue yourself for writing an
unauthorized autobiography!"

He said, "If at first you don't succeed, well then maybe
you're a...goddamn loser!"

He said, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether
I win or lose."

He said, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water...
Unless it's floating face down."

He said, "If you can't beat 'em, let ME beat 'em!"

He said, "You can tell a lot about a guy by how he strangles you!"

And lastly he said,
"Fight for peace!
Make love , not war !
Unless you love to kill!"
Right!

And as they stormed the mountain,
and kicked him to death, he said one more thing...
He said...

"Ow! Ow! Stop kicking me! Ow, shit! No, please! Not the head! Not in the skull! Ahh!"

And as the Martian sat and waved from his driver seat window of his hovering Martian
spaceship on his way back to Jupiter, he offered these parting words of advice...
He said, "Do yourself a favor and stop this goddamn song!"

But we couldn't....

Because we still didn't know...

Whatever happened to the Chainsaw Juggler?
He was a good friend of mine
I heard he died, but nobody cried
Instead they all chopped off their arms!

Well, that sure makes sense, he was loved by his fans
But tell me, how did he die?
Nobody knows, they found him alone
All bloody with his arms by his side

Everybody!

I know that there's something wrong with this song
I just don't know what it could be

La da dum, dee dee dee, dee dee dee
There's something wrong with this
something wrong with this
something wrong with this
Song