Identifying Assholes From A Distance Lyrics & Chords By Demetri Martin

I love to smoke. I love to smoke and I love to eat red meat. I love to eat raw fucking red meat. Nothing I like better than sucking down a hot steaming cheese burger and a butt at the...read more

So I was walking into whole foods recently, I don’t grocery shop there, it’s too expensive, but I love the smell of lavender so it’s where I get my laundry detergent. Normally...read more

There's a commercial on late night T. V. for this thing you attach to a garden hose. It says " You can water your hard to reach plants with this product". Who the fuck would make their...read more

I wanted to write a song about the three loves of my life that have, you know, slipped away somehow. But I could only come up with two. I was in love with an albino, Her lack of...read more

Comedy is fun but I really, I really want to be a firefighter I want to be a firefighter so I can drive the fire SUV Cause I don't know what the fire SUV does when they get to the...read more