The Atheist Convention Lyrics & Chords By Abie Rotenberg

The plane took off on schedule from La Guardia
On a bright clear sunny summers day
What a cheerful trio they appeared to be
They were off the ground… westward bound
to the atheist convention m L.A.

Peter was a lawyer from Manhattan
Mohammed sold used cars in Sheepshead Bay
And Howard practiced dentistry in Woodmere
With the clouds below …they were on the go
to the atheist convention in L.A.

"I'm so glad that we'll be staying at the Hilton
I can't wait to spend a day In Disneyland
Did you hear this year they're letting in agnostics
The convention should be absolutely grand

There'll be speeches that will ponder our existence
Religious dogma will come under fierce attack
That we all once were primates is our motto
And that big bang's not a theory but a fact"

Peter ordered white wine with his dinner
Howard and Mohammed asked for gin
There was a chosid in the next row eating kosher
"Could he be so naive.. to still believe
that someone up there's watchin' over him?"

Suddenly there was a big explosion
Everyone began to scream and wail
The plane was in a spin and losing altitude
Pete cried "Mercy Father".. Mohammed, "Spare me Allah"
And in hebrew Howard said "Shma Yisroel"...

"I'm so glad that we'll be staying at the Hilton
I can't wait to spend a day In Disneyland
Did you hear this year they're letting in agnostics
The convention should be absolutely grand

There'll be speeches that will ponder our existence
Religious dogma will come under fierce attack
That we all once were primates is our motto
And that big bang's not a theory but a fact"

Just before that final awful impact
While everyone was sure that they would die
Somehow, somewhy the engines came to life again
And a few yards from the trees, with what seemed to be great ease
The pilot flew die plane back to the sky

Everyone gave thanks to G-d in heaven
It was a miracle that saved us on this day
The chossid turned and asked the trio with a smile
With your true colors showing, will you 3 still be going
To the atheist convention in L. A.

(Musical of chorus)

Peter's now a priest in Cincinnati
Mohammed built a mosque in Santa Fe
And Howard's still a dentist out in Woodmere
But now they call him Chaim'l and on Shabbos wears a shtreimel
‘Cuz their buried faith ignited, while flying on "United"
To the atheist convention in L.A.